Story in a sentence

Meet Namrata

“People around me wait for the day to end and leave for home after work. Since the time they enter the office premises, occupy their vacant chairs and switch on their systems, they only wish to go back home. Home for them is synonymous with comfort, relaxation, family and love.

Not that, I am a workaholic and draw pleasure by sitting in front of the screen,  working on dull and boring excel sheets, day and night. Just like others, even I wish to run home and hug my 6 year old; listen to stories from his school, and others that are a part of his imaginations.

Yet, I end up spending more than required time at office, and that’s because I know hell awaits me at home. On working days, I am spared during the day, but for weekends, you can’t imagine how annoying it gets. That is one more reason I love to visit my office and work peacefully leaving my dear friends puzzled and angry too. Monday to Friday, 9 am to 7 pm, I feel people hurrying around me, to finish their task and enjoy their personal lives. Yes, the concept of partying is no longer limited to weekends. Hanging out with friends any day after work is quite a normal way of life for the young professionals, like me. But for me, it’s a luxury I can only dream of.

Recently I did attempt to break free from the limitations and joined my office colleagues for a birthday treat. It was Friday, my friends were in partying mood, and we went to a plush restaurant for dinner. Everybody was enjoying the music, while I was on the phone listening to my husband’s taunts and shootings.  Not surprisingly, he had already booked a cab at 8.00 PM for me to go home.

The party for them had just begun at 8.00 PM and leaving the place that early destroyed the very reason of the gathering; forget the fun. That was the sole reason I never went for dinner meets, hangouts... never! And now, my friends won’t ask as they understand my predicament and the embarrassment I go through. Strange enough, these guys understand my pain, while my family doesn’t.

If they did, will they ever let me sleep on an empty stomach? Or throw my things without even asking me whether I need them? Would they wrongly bitch about me to my relatives, neighbors, and even the maid? Would they print a wrong picture of me in my beloved son’s mind?

Often, I simply don’t understand, how have I managed to stay with them for the past 8 years. What hurts the most is not my in-law’s behavior, but the fact that my husband has little support for me, even when he believes I am not wrong. I don’t understand what scares him, rather from whom and why. I have considered the thought of staying separate from my in-laws, but my husband won’t budge. He wants to be the ‘Sharavan Kumar’ for his parents. Going back to my parents? Coming from the traditional background, they won’t accept me back at home for the fear of what would be said in their social circles.

This place, certainly not my home, is a hell that has snatched my peace, happiness, smile, and now even my sadness. I feel numb and feel there’s nothing to look forward in life. I feel trapped and helpless that encourages me to run away from everything, stay alone, get my own personal space and be happy. But will I be happy? Leaving my child alone with them? Will I be able to stay separate from my husband, my in-laws and moreover my parents? What will people think of me? These are the questions that are gnawing me from the inside, making me indecisive as to how to get out of these problems. There is a fear deep inside me that one day, the strings of patience will snap and everything will plunge towards the ground. But there is also a lingering ray of hope that my husband will understand what I am going through, support me and not be silent when it matters the most.

                                                      -----------------------------

Picture courtesy: Google

Please note: Names have been changed to protect identity , on request.

Moments of Realization - 1

“Hunger strike”, the strike that sets things straight…

The four day long strike works wonders, it amends rules, makes you a hero, wins you the required attention and often melts hearts…whether at national level or domestic. What??? Yeah...People do it…no!!! I have done it. Not something I am very proud of,but this incident was a great learning experience.

The story dates back to the days when I the elder daughter of family, was mature enough to understand things and people around (as I believed then) and at an age when ego clashes with parents (mom in my case)is a norm.I too had a little chapter in the history of the great ‘Anshan Andolan’.

I was getting tired of being mom’s punching bag and ...err kind of demanded explanations for her acts of ‘atrocities’ on me. “Why am I the one who is always wrong?” and “Why should I be patient and listen to your shouting without any mistakes?” and “Why do I always get, when you are in a bad mood because of somebody else?” and the questionnaire continue into pages.

Well, with the responses I received, I understood that parents are the only blessed beings on this planet who can get away without giving any explanations to their kids.Certainly, children do understand this fact over a period of time and after several fights and argument sessions.Till then, the young and aggressive minds just keep boiling up.

Was I any different?  My anger was just pushing me into a cave of arrogance,non-tolerance,aggression and finally ‘hunger strike’. Well, I was stubborn,the opponent being my mother and the result was “khana….huh,nahi khaana”. After one of such deadly fights with mom, I refused having dinner and also lunch, the following day. I survived on water,but mom didn’t pacify me.Rather, she got me some Parle-G biscuits and kept them open in the kitchen. So,‘paani’ and Parle-G for the next two days were my lunch and dinner. Secretly, I did wish she will come and plead me to eat, but it didn’t really happen. She was as adamant as her daughter.

On the third day, while I was looking at the window,and wondering if glucose biscuits would become the permanent dish on my menu for lifetime….mom with whom I wasn’t talking to for all these days,came  and gently asked me when would I have food. Yes! I was surprised, secretly happy too but what I could emit was only my rage. Then the most unexpected thing happened. She apologized and served me food. Wow rice,dal and ‘sabzi’, never tasted so heavenly.

With tears in her our eyes,my plans to sticking to my new-found staple diet (glucose biscuits… remember)trickled down. And with that, I made two very important promises to myself.Never to get angry with mom and most importantly with food!

Kahani abhi baaki hai…I realized one thing through this event, that no matter how difficult it was to express,mom loves me a lot (the most infact). I understood this (much later) just as I was stepping into my teen years, that along with me, it was also my mom’s first experience to deal with a growing child, and that we both have to learn it the hard way (especially me). 

Women of Today: Free or oppressed?... An Introduction!

Life is good, life is bad,
What you ask for is all you get!  

…is what I always believed in and fortunately have experienced as well. However, my recent encounters with some women have forced me to change my belief. For one will never ask for an unfortunate life or an unkind family; but they still get to be in it.

In this age, women have proved themselves to be powerful in every aspect and can do everything that was once tagged as tasks out of their arena. They manage businesses, operate organizations, drive cars, fly planes, defend our country, provide employment for others, fight against all odds, and of course, take care of their families too.

Rural areas are neither left behind. With the advent of technology, women in tier 3 (and beyond) cities and towns, have discovered the advantages of being economically independent. Unlike the generation, where women worked only to pass time till they were married off in dowry-hungry families or to earn and support their families, now they work for their satisfaction and independence.


They have come a long way in assuming this role of home-maker and understanding the difference between a job and a career.


If we try to picture it together, we see a collage of strong and powerful women, who dream, aspire to achieve their dreams, inspire others in the process as well... and succeed in realizing their goals. A bright and beautifully colored collage isn't it!

However, take a close look and you will see a great difference in the picture painted with the real one. In some parts of the collage are those women who endure a lot of pain and sufferings for their families or even because of their families. All I wonder is why?


Here’s a working woman, who is married and has kids. She earns enough to take care of herself and her children, yet is staying with her husband and in-laws who do nothing good but mentally harass her. She cries almost every day and is still not willing to stay away from them? WHY?


I came across another intelligent lady with problems quite similar to the one above. She finally had to use divorce as a tool after seven years of marriage to find some peace. Neither did divorce happen nor she could find peace. Yes, she is still stuck with her family, though she knows there will be no better tomorrow. WHY?


These are just two of the many real life stories I plan to share for six weeks. These women, who wish to achieve their goals are blocked by their own weakness rather willingness. WHY?


When I think of them, I am surrounded with questions, questions and lots of them. No answers at all. Can you help me find the answers???

-----------------------------

Picture courtesy: Google

THE 4 WIVES

Came across this extremely interesting story and even better fact of life ... wanna preserve it :)

"There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives

a. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

b. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

c. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

d. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.

Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament.

----------------------------------------------------

Picture courtesy: Google

Just wanna say, I love you...

For the first time in two months, the Kannada movie song sounded melodious to my ears. Of course, the Volvo bus drivers love it and that explains their preference for Kannada music over Bollywood songs. The radio stations were playing mushy love songs, as I gather from the lyrics that mentioned the word "preeti" more often. After all, it was Valentine’s Day.

Until last year this day just used to be like any other day.

Of course, I wished my friends in person and via emails & chats, caught up with friends after long time lunches, dinners etc. After all, it was just a reason to enjoy and spend some good time.

But this year’s Valentine’s was different. Not because, it was my first Valentine's after marriage. There was something more to it, for sure. I wanted to celebrate it in its true sense.
It was my first Valentine’s with my husband of two months, the guy who's been my boyfriend for four years and my best friend of eight years....... and mind you, all three of these is the same person.

It’s actually very amazing, as to how a stranger becomes the most important part of your life. What's more amazing is the journey together. Come to think of it, a random guy who shared 15-30 minutes of his life with you on some silly online chat room is now sharing my bedroom, wardrobe, food and in fact, my life, my days and nights. At times I can't believe, I left my home, parents, friends, and my city to live with him. WHY?

I question myself only to dive into the memoirs of last eight years. While I flip through the pages of our lives, I bookmark events that actually changed my thinking, and shaped my perception of friendship, love, lust marriage, relationship and life. Those events made me realize the flavour of words like expectation and satisfaction.


Those beautiful memories are what our relationship is built upon and how lovingly we preserve them... and will always do.

"Just wanna say, I love you

Dull, dark, sad and grey that's how my life would have been without you. You bring the much needed light, enthusiasm, excitement and fun in my every day. You bring out the creativity and the sweetness in me. You have become so important to me.

It seems we knew each other since forever, and we will stay this way till eternity... in love.

Leaving my world behind I decided to be a part of your universe. I don't regret it, though I miss them all.

With you, however, I know I will live my life and not just survive. It's your care, warmth and smile that acts as a healer for me.

Be the way you are, always.

Love me :)
Happy Valentine's Day :-)  :-*"

(...because every day is a Valentine’s Day with you)

Save Our Eco System

THE HEARBEATS

She is God's gift to us, how can He take her away; when she is become the most important part of everybody's lives ...can he really do it???

One week and Netra will turn five. My God! Years fly like butterfly. My little princess is smiling in her dreams. But Amish, the brat can't stop being curious on why is Netra being over-pampered by all. The 11-year old mind puked his list of queries before Mom, as the three of us were lying on the bed.

Well, Netra or Nettu (as we like to address her) is youngest child, perhaps that's the reason, what I had presumed, but destiny had another cheerless story hidden in its arms, which unfolded that dark night.

"Your younger sister was born with a hole in her heart," disclosed mom to me and Amish... for the first time in five years since she was born.

…Hole in the heart the abrupt words and unexpected reply struck me as if a big black stone thrown in the still water. "Don't worry dear, doctor aunty had said it will be fine after she completes her five years of age and tomorrow we are going for her check-up. Things will be fine." Mom's hand consoling Amish's forehead.

My God! Something never thought, only heard of. Something so dreadful to be witnessed so...so close and real to me.

Sleep, no longer willing to meet my eyes now. Silent tears soaked themselves in the pillow.


Still, so clearly I can see the first time I held her tender body in my scared hands. It was my first opportunity, as far as I can recollect, when I was allowed to touch a new born little cherub-like figure. It was my first chance to admire so closely a round face, soft cheeks, red little nose, tiny lips and teeny ears. The innocent eyes opened and closed again and she yawned. The minute movements from her lips, couldn't have gone unnoticed by me, which communicated with me, yes they said actually asked me, 'here I am in this new world with you won't you take care of me?'

Her growing up days witnessed plethora of excitement. The stout & healthy girl has now started singing her nursery rhymes. She was emerging as an all-rounder, exceptionally excellent in everything. Her learning and grasping skills has no doubt amazed one and all, but also her ever-friendly and helping nature has immensely impressed all. Her enthusiasm to participate in each and every thing she comes across was simply unbelievable for us.

A cheerful child, always happy; happy with my old & broken toys, also. Demanding... not at all and not even priggish. She is not the kind of child who throws tantrums for all. She always keeps herself occupied with her dolls, some of my old plastic ornaments and a stuffed doggy, under a big table which she calls as her home. When she accidentally broke my only Barbie doll, which I had admired and loved the most until this moment, I couldn't yell at her, assuming I have a real beautiful doll now.

Yes, the long-haired doll was truly a God's gift. So wise and unbiased her decisions, thoughts and words were! It was her innocent and unprejudiced deeds that made us familiar with Dad's smile and that he also has a softer side. Well, where will you find a tot who knows how to handle things no matter however difficult they seem to be. Whenever she found any of the family members in a blue mood, she would unexpectedly come and naively ask, "What happen did Papa/anybody shout at you?", as if she had the solutions for all our problems. Actually she did, with her soothing curve, which always compelled people to smile. Smile that appeared from her clear and truthful heart.

Her heart... why why why... only my little angel why? He can't be so cruel to me.

I closed my eyes and for the first time in my 13 years and said some prayers persistently.



I said my prayers and opened my eyes and found my young athlete amidst the big ground, all set for her inter-school finals. Sun rays brilliantly defining her well shaped body. Her perky pony-tail frisking left-right. The new pair of sports shoes smartly fits on her feet. Her strong thighs and muscled legs, the asset of every sportsperson, symbolises all the strength she has stored within. Her mature body language often disguises my colleagues as that of a college student, which indeed gives me a hard time convincing them that she has just entered her teens now.

There, she waves hand in response to her schoolmates or should I say, 'fans', who are cheering for their school's SPORTS PREFECT (CAPTAIN). They are as sure as I am that she'll make it again this time. Next year, she'll be considered for District Level. Well, even if she doesn't, she has added several feathers in her cap, by also winning medals in shot-put, tennis and not to forget dance too, that too at the age of thirteen years, now. Quite enough to make us all proud!



Alright …there she's posing for her final race... eh ok... take a deep breathe, dear. I can see the winning smile on your tanned face. I can smell your confidence. I can hear listen your Heartbeats...

I'll Miss you all!

An old story lost in between the pages of my diary (Fiction)

The orangish ' red sun rise in the early morning; the music of the tiny little creatures getting ready to fly out to work; the sweet smell of my blossoming pink rose; the dancing green trees; the cool breeze that sings when it feels my window Oh! I am going to miss you all. It's taking me away from you. I do not want to leave you, but it's taking me away. It's AIDS!

Five months back, the first time I got my Blood tested and things turned out as they were never expected to. Since that day, I have received multiples of mixed reactions. The very first reaction was from me. 'Oh shit, I am a still a virgin, right?' the first thing my mind questioned me, when I heard the doctor giving the four-lettered conclusion to my life. Well this is how, we usually think, (let's face it). How glad I felt, after donating Blood for the first time, as anybody else would after acting generously. It was a contented feeling then to have helped someone. But unknowingly the instrument utilized, the syringe, left behind this dreadful virus in me giving me a new name, HIV positive. I had heard about this earlier that some voracious people re-pack and re-sell the thrown away syringes in the market. Could they risk somebody's life just for some money? Yes, they have already endangered my existence, preparing my death bed.

Death , so untimely! I have just completed 21years of my life and there's so much to do. I still have to get married. Experience the bliss of motherhood. My career has just bloomed. Wish I could have seen my career soaring! How can I die so early, when I have so many accomplishments to achieve? Why is my life ceasing so soon when I have just started with it?

Mom always preached me that 'do good to others, God will be good to you'. Also, I have always believed and followed that 'if I am right to others they will not be wrong to me'. Then why .. Me? For me, my glass is neither half-empty nor half-filled. It is always full, if half with water then the remaining with air. Perhaps, HE is short of kind and lovely people like me up there! Ah, I am prepared for anything now truly anything.

Just one disgusting word was enough to change my entire life and others reactions & behavior towards me. Many new instances came across me, for the first time.

Another most awful incident of my life was to break this news to my friends. Obviously, no one in their worst dreams would have ever thought of this. When I told my best friend about it, she instantly pulled her hand back which was holding my arm softly till the four-worded monster scared her. I smiled dryly but my heart ached. She knew I wasn't lying. I could have never done that. We sat looking at each other for quiet some time and she just walked off. Yeah! My best friend, but, don't know why, I wasn't shaken at all. Somewhere, I was expecting it. Later that night she called me up and we talked for more than an hour. And yes for the first time she didn't worry about her prepaid balance. Now that surprised me!

When I broke this terrible news to him, he for the first time slapped me, so hard. But it didn't hurt me at all. The agony within me was much more than that on my face. Both of us broke into tears. He kissed my forehead and hugged me like never before, holding me very tight in his muscular arms, as if never letting me go away from him. I too, for the first time felt so protective and secured. It was then I realized that he loves me so much and doesn't want to lose me at any cost. The entire evening neither of us talked, just listened to each others heartbeats.

The D-day was nearing and nothing else but my family's cheerless appearance made me realize that again and again. Now this was something that made me feel uneasy. For at least first two months, every time I looked at mom, her moist eyes made me go dull and dad's drained tone made me feel more exhausted. Perhaps later they become conscious and started behaving normally. My mom who keeps on chanting some prayers every now and then is suffering more than me. My dad who is in anguish every minute has conversed with every doctor possible and 'jyotishi maharajs' also. I know that sounds silly, but he just did not wanted to leave any stone unturned. They both just make me feel so precious.

I always knew it but never realized that everybody loves a lot and I am so important for them. Love exists all around me! Who would ever want to leave all this and go? I do not wish to go away. I am not sure if an equal amount of affection, warmth and care will exist up there. I want to be with them, my mom, my dad, my friends, my love and my people down here. But I know now nothing on the earth can stop me now. I'll have to go, and I know they all will miss me a lot. And I'll miss them too.

It's taking me away. I do not want to, but it's taking me away